I want my voice back......

I realli think tat i wont get my voice back....i'm like gng to be stuck permanently with this new husky ugly voice. boohoo :( with all the late nites and lack of proper slp and irregular meals i doubt i'll recover... these few dayz been realli tough to get by.....once again i flunk my mab test. which means there goes 30% of my final paper. ok i admit i din study much. juz a bit. i succumbed to my tiredness. plus the lack of intelligence in me to tikam to pass. i'm realli sad. sometimes or rather all the time life's a big bloody bitch. i've given a 2nd chance but i din make full use of it. i'm scare. realli scare. sometimes part of me feel lost. a hateful feeling. its juz too much to handle. dun worry i'm not delusional mickey. i still noe wat i'm doin as long as i'm focus.

i'm torn between gng and not gng. the pros and the cons are pretty much equal. i noe there's no pressure. i've been so lookin forward to it. but now it seems less impt den my priorities. i'm so scared if i dun rest and realli relax myself b4 fighting e big battle i'll would juz crumble badly. on the other hand, if anything happens i would juz blame myself badly for relaxin too much. urgh...i'm torn and tattered and shattered. i juz want things to go back to normal but can it?

Mom's been askin me abt my studies. can i cope? can i this can i tat? i'll juz look away and sound cheerful and assure her i'm fine. which is a bloody big fat lie. i'm sorry mom tat i've lied. i dun want add more worries to ur worry.

Someone pls cheer me up.